She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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