i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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