I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
