You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
