Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
