you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
