Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
