Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
