if only i could text you this smell
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
