I am in a vortex of obligation.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
