Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
