He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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