I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
