You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
