I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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