Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
