you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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