So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
