WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's the barista slut.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
