I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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