Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
