My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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