I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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