Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
