Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
