Cold hands, warm shart.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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