You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
