so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
