so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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