The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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