I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
