Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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