Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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