Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
