Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
