Its about making memories worth repressing
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
