I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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