My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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