u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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