I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
