Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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