so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
