Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
