my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
