paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
