Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
