forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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