So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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