I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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