Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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