apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
