I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
