so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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