Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
