Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
