Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
