My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
