My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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