help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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