2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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