Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
