Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
