if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
