We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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