I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
