Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
