were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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