i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
