ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
