I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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