3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
