I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
