Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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