i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
